Sexual Fantasy Sexploration
Dreaming up fantasies is a fun and sexy way to explore your sexuality, desires, kinks and curiosities. According to Psychology Today, we fantasize about sex not only to experience arousal, but to meet unfulfilled needs, express or satisfy taboo desires, plan out future sexual encounters and to feel more sexually confident.
Whatever your reason is, know that fantasies are completely normal, and nothing to feel embarrassed about. Dr. Kristie Overstreet even recommends sharing them with your partner as a “Great addition to foreplay, building a closer connection and improving trust.”
We might feel hesitant to share our fantasies for fear of being judged or feeling ashamed if they stray toward the unusual—let it all go!
“‘Weird’ is a judgment word, and it's not helpful in sex,” says Sexologist Dr. Laura Deitsch.
We are unique, complex human beings with cravings just as such! It’s after all in our nature to think outside the box. (Keep reading for some helpful tips before sharing your fantasy with your partner(s).)
Getting Inspired
But even if we know that shame has no place in the realm of sexual fantasy, we might not always know where to start exploring! You can draw some inspo from the world of audio erotica or even the world of erotic literature.
Audio erotica is described by Spirituality and Relationships Writer Sarah Regan as “sexually explicit audio content, usually in the form of narrated stories woven in with all the noises and sounds you'd expect from porn.”
If you’ve never been in touch with this type of content, you can check out British Filth, a creator whose main aim is to be as inclusive as he can through his shared experience of pleasure. Whatever it is that you enjoy, he most likely has an audio about it!
On the other hand, you don’t need to be an author to use reading and writing as a way to explore your fantasies, fact remains the transactions taking place between creators and consumers are key in building new, healthier narratives around sex. Learn more about this by listening to our interview with Peekaboo Collins, a writer who produces consent-focused and sex-positive erotic stories and poetry, below.
Close Your Eyes and Picture…
To help you out in this endevour of exploring your fantasies, we’ve drafted up some starter scenarios. We encourage you to let your mind take you wherever they lead you. And hey, maybe writing is not your think, that’s A-OK: try the form of creative expression that’s more comfortable to you. Maybe that’s acting out a scene in front of the mirror, or maybe that’s recording your voice on the phone instead of writing down what you picture.
Let’s get creative with some sexual fantasy prompts! Ready?
A Spanish Snack
💭 You booked a last-minute solo trip to Spain over the summer and find yourself on a nude beach off the Mediterranean coast, laying topless under the sun. You breathe in the salty air, feeling tingles across your sun-kissed skin. Looking up from your book you notice one of the most attractive humans walking over to you…
Indie Indulge
💭 A friend invites you to an indie rock concert on a Friday night. You go dressed in all black, feeling mysterious and sexy. You’re sipping on your drink and notice a gorgeous person glancing at you from across the crowd. You slowly make your way to each other and after dancing together for a couple of minutes, they whisper in your ear to follow them. They guide you upstairs to their private VIP area and there’s no one else around…
Royal Affair
💭You are in a comfortable, cozy place with two other people you find very, very attractive. Not just physically, but you find it so hot how much they seem to want to please you. They both tell you that they’re open to your desires and here to treat you like royalty. Imagine what you would ask, how you would ask it, what it might feel like, what it might lead to…
Tips on exploring these fantasies: Don’t overthink it! Let your imagination run wild. Get creative, anything goes! Click here for sensual writing word inspo.
Oversharing?
And, if after exploring these prompts, you feel like discussing your fantasies with your partner(s), here are a few things to ask yourself beforehand:*
Do you feel like your partner owes it to you to disclose all their sexual fantasies? And would you feel comfortable disclosing all of your sexual fantasies?
How do you feel about fantasies that involve someone other than your partner? What about activities that go well beyond your current sex life?
What does it mean about your partner, you, or the relationship if they (or you) hold back some fantasies?
If you are holding back on disclosing something to your partner, why is that? And if you have a sense that your partner is holding out on you about something, what stops you from asking them about it directly?
*Questions by psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist Ari Tuckman.
Fantasies can be your allies, they are not shameful or wrong. Sometimes, opening up the floor with your partner(s) to talk about sexual fantasies will mean that you will find some fantasies you share while some others you’d pass on. This is okay. It’s important to remember that fantasies can be just that, fantasies…things you love to think of and picture in your head but that you’d never have happen IRL.
