Have you Heard of Sexual Performance Anxiety (SPA)?
Our societal narratives have told us that our sexual interactions usually need to go a certain way, which relies heavily upon the gender role that we’ve been assigned. This alone can cause feelings of anxiety before sex. But when you’re “so nervous that you cannot have sex or enjoy sex, [it] might be sexual performance anxiety (SPA),” explains Writer Toketemu Ohwovoriole in the medically reviewed article “What is Sexual Performance Anxiety?”
Ohwovoriole explains that “SPA is a type of performance anxiety that affects sexual activity in particular. A person who has this condition will often be overcome by a fear that they’ll be unable to perform either before sexual activities or during them.”
According to Sex Therapist Claudia Six, in most instances, “it is related to the fear that some aspect of [our] presence between the sheets may be disappointing for [our] partner[s].” In other words, “Performance anxiety is related to an excessive need to perform or to satisfy the partner in a sexual interaction,” says Marita P. McCabe from the School of Psychology of Deakin University.
This disorder can affect anyone, and because the focus during sex shifts from the physical pleasure and intimacy of the moment to ‘performing correctly,’ all parties involved in the interaction may see their sexual function “impeded.”
Some of the symptoms of Sexual Performance Anxiety, as mentioned by Ohwovoriole, include:
Having little or no interest in engaging in sexual activities
Premature ejaculation when you have sex
Being unable to have or sustain an erection
Finding it difficult to orgasm during sex
Vaginal dryness
Difficulty getting aroused
Experiencing some pain during sex
Anxiety and sex can sometimes intersect, and Sexual Performance Anxiety (SPA) is just one example of this. Whether you suspect you might have SPA or not, we invite you to grab a pen and paper and explore the following prompts as a way to reflect on how anxiety might be showing up during your sexual interactions:
Am I ever so self-aware about my body that I can’t enjoy my sexual experiences? How often does this happen?
Do I ever feel embarrassed because of what I’m asking for in bed? How does my partner(s) react to my needs?
When I feel anxious about having sex, what are the first thoughts that come to my mind?
Because much of the anxiety related to sex and sexuality stems from how we view ourselves and the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, we invite you to rewrite or reaffirm the narrative in the previous questions. With the same pen and paper, ask yourself:
What are things I appreciate about my body?
How much do I know about what I like and dislike in bed?
How often do I express what I enjoy in bed?
How can I practice being more present in my body during my sexual encounters?
Exploring where this anxiety comes from and the ways you experience it can give you valuable insights and tools for combating it. Communication with others, comprehensive sex education and self-compassion are key starting points in addressing SPA or any other anxieties around sex.
If you think you might be suffering from this disorder, please contact your healthcare provider and find the appropriate help to overcome any discomfort you might be experiencing in your sex life. Remember: you are deserving of pleasure, and there is no shame in seeking professional help to obtain it.
