Removing Sexual Shame From The Bedroom and Beyond
Elle McPherson is an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) with the International Coach Federation and a Certified Erotic Blueprint Coach™, as well as a Certified Accelerated Evolution™ coach and RYT-200 Kripalu-trained yoga teacher who focuses on empowering men and women to own their authentic sexuality. She is one of our most valuable My Sex Bio Studio facilitators. We asked her a few questions, here are her answers:
My Sex Bio: Why did you decide to study the Erotic Blueprints?
Elle McPherson: In 2019 I got a free ticket to the annual Erotic Blueprint community gathering. I was skeptical, but it was free, and [I was] curious enough to try it for a weekend. The event blew me away – I was in a room full of kind, passionate people talking openly about sex and sexuality. A light bulb went off for me. I was already a certified life coach, but I realized that in all my previous training and all the things I heard life coaches talk about in terms of empowerment, living your authentic, best life, etc., no one talked about sexuality.
“Your sexuality is your life force, vitality, creativity, your spark and a source of connection to your true self, others, and the divine.”
At our core, we are all erotic beings. All the time—not just when tucked away in the bedroom, but who we are as we move through all the facets of our lives. Our sexuality is a massive part of who we are. But how often do we really get to talk about it, explore it, own it? We walk around acting as if a huge part of us doesn’t exist, or maybe we don’t even know it’s there. I became an Erotic Blueprint Coach™ to support others in embracing their authentic sexuality, pleasure and vitality.
MSB: What have you gotten out of becoming a Coach and/or what have been some of your most memorable "ah-ha" moments from students?
EM: Personally, this work has allowed me to access a sense of embodied confidence that allows me to communicate who I am and what I want, both in and out of the bedroom.
“In myself and my clients, I have seen the shift in confidence and ability to be open that comes with acknowledging body shame, letting go of limiting beliefs about what is possible, and dropping fears of being vulnerable or fully expressed.”
I also love helping clients to realize how living their life in tune with their Blueprint allows everything to be more pleasurable and in flow.
A favorite memory is I had a recent client who became aware of the shame she had saying certain words out loud, and it was limiting her ability to express herself intimately with her partner. She loved games, so I made up a “sexy Madlibs,” and we made it fun to let go of the taboo and shame.
MSB: What do you find is the biggest takeaway students have in your classes?
EM: I love hearing students share what resonates for them when they learn about the Blueprints! The most common reaction is, “It makes so much sense!” The Blueprints offer a permission slip to be yourself and a language to communicate with others. They illuminate and dissolve any shame or sense of being broken/wrong/too much. It fosters empathy and forgiveness we may hold against partners who didn’t meet our needs with the realization that partners were coming from a different “language.”
MSB: Why do we have 101 and 201 classes? What is the main focus of each?
EM: In the 101 class, I introduce the framework of the Erotic Blueprints. We focus on the five stages of sexuality and the five Erotic Blueprint Types™. We cover the basics of each Type (Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky and Shapeshifter), including superpowers and shadows, and how to feed each Type.
In the 201 class, I offer a brief refresher of the Blueprint Types, but the focus is on listening to the body and how to communicate.
“We feel into what enthusiastic consent feels like in the body, so you can make conscious decisions about what you do and do not want to [do].”
We focus on the auditory side of turn-on that is congruent with each Blueprint—words, vocal tone, and body language—inviting you to notice what resonates in your body. I also cover simple tools you can use to communicate desires and new things to try with a partner.
MSB: You are now also offering a class focused on shame? Why do you feel that is important?
EM: “Shame is probably the biggest killer of intimacy. Nearly all of us carry some level of shame picked up from society, family, culture, religion… They create shame around our bodies, sexuality, performance, and whether we feel we are enough as we are.”
EM: We feel shame to be vulnerable, yet vulnerability is the very thing that creates the pleasure, connection, intimacy and love we crave. The shame breeds in darkness. By acknowledging shame, sharing it with others, realizing that what we feel is normal, integrating those shadow parts of ourselves, we liberate ourselves to claim the full pleasure and aliveness that is our birthright. So while the work I do is, on the surface, about sex, it’s really about so much more – it’s about embracing the deepest parts of ourselves, communicating our most vulnerable desires, and claiming the full pleasure and aliveness that is our birthright.
MSB: Are there any new topics or classes you're planning for 2022?
EM: Yes, the journey of the Erotic Blueprints starts with determining your sexuality stage and Blueprint, learning how to speak through the Blueprints (the 201 class) and continues towards healing any shadows or obstacles towards full expression, and finally towards expanding your sexuality. One of the biggest obstacles is shame, which is why we have added that as a class. I am particularly interested in how polarities show up in sexuality. Opposing polarities create attraction between partners and offer endless space for play and self-exploration. Often a lack of awareness around where you are on various spectrums can create a lack of spark, or worse, repression of one’s true nature. I will be offering a class to explore polarities such as yin/yang, masculine/feminine, dark/light, giving/receiving, dominant/surrendered.
MSB: If someone is very interested to learn about the Erotic Blueprints but unable or uncomfortable to come to a class, what are other ways you recommend starting to learn about this skill?
EM: Absolutely. One easy way to learn more about your Erotic Blueprint is to take the free Basic Blueprint Quiz. It gives you empowering information about your Primary Blueprint Type™. There is also a paid version with an in-depth Pleasure Profile and a full Erotic Blueprint Special Report.
I also recommend watching the Netflix series Sex Love & Goop. Among other experts, it features my teacher Jaiya guiding a couple through their perceived sexual compatibility mismatch. You can get a sense of what it would be like to work with a coach as she provides a basic explanation of the Erotic Blueprints and guides the couple to discover their Blueprints and body and touch preferences.
MSB: If someone wants to study privately with you, what should they expect and how can they contact you?
EM: I work with singles and couples to support them to become aware of and empowered in their authentic sexuality. Using the Erotic Blueprints as a framework for self-discovery, I provide a safe space for self-reflection about your sexual history and education, embodied practices for integrating pleasure into your life, tools for discovering and embodying your authentic sexual expression and desires, space to heal from shame, and empowering tools to communicate desires.
With couples, I provide a neutral, dedicated space to allow the conversations that deepen intimacy, uncover and communicate desires, and heal and repair any trust breaks. In the daily hustle and day-to-day of a relationship, it can be difficult to have the space to have the conversations around how to more deeply feed each other intimately, to discuss unspoken issues, and open up new lines of communication. As a coach, I facilitate those conversations to help couples love each other more deeply.
I can be reached at elle@beyondtheitinerary.com
Join Elle’s classes offered at My Sex Bio Studio:
🔒Erotic Blueprints 101: Unlocking Your Pleasure, learn about your erotic blueprint and how to identify it.
🗣Erotic Blueprints 201: Communicating Your Desires, put words into practice to unlock your best sex life.
💋Releasing Shame, transform shame into a pathway of liberation, self-acceptance, and connection.
