What is Ethical Non-monogamy (ENM) and what are the different types?

The idea of meeting new people, learning about them, and entering into a relationship with them is thrilling. But what happens when someone wants to share the delights of a relationship with more than one person, each aware and consenting of the non-monogamous nature of their relationship?
Welcome ethical non-monogamy.

“Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is the practice of taking part in romantic relationships that are not completely exclusive between two people.”

There are many ways in which these relationships can present themselves, with variations in the number of partners, the dynamics between them, involvement or not of sexual activity, etc.

Some people call it “consensual” non-monogamy, others use the word “ethical.” Even though this remains a personal choice, it’s important to consider potentials. To polyamorous person Danny Burbol, saying something is “ethical” allows for ‘gray area’ they explain:

If we were asked, “is it ethical to slap someone in the face?” we would probably have a hard time answering this question. If instead, the question becomes “is it consensual to slap someone in the face?” We can easily say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ depending on the agreement made by the parties involved.

💛 Types of Ethical Non-monogamy 💛

“Ethical non-monogamy is a broad term that encompasses any form of relationship (romantic or sexual) that doesn't take the form of an exclusive, monogamous relationship between two people.” —Kelly Gonsalves

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is an ‘umbrella term’ that includes the following:

🟡 Polygamy:

“Being married to multiple partners.”

🟡 Open relationships:

When “you can sleep with folks outside of your primary relationship or marriage.” Relationships with others tend to be strictly sexual.

🟡 Swinging:

“When a couple has sex with another couple and/or ‘swaps partners.’”

🟡 Monogamish:

Relationships that are, “for the most part, monogamous, but allow for little acts of sexual indiscretion (with the partner’s knowledge).”

🟡 Polyamory:

“The act of having intimate relationships with more than one person at the same time.”

🟡 Polyfidelity:

“A relationship between a group of people where all members are equal partners in the relationship, and no one has sex with or dates people outside the group.”

🟡 Relationship anarchy:

“An approach to relationships, usually non-hierarchal, where there are no set rules or expectations other than the ones that involved partners agree upon.”

Ethically non-monogamy demands that you do your homework. Talk to your partner about your desires and have honest conversations with them. Your initiating a dialog could get your primary and secondary partners comfortable. If you have any concerns, do not shy away from asking for help! Talk to a therapist and let them help you navigate your feelings. Remember, you do not have to do this alone.

Consent, respect and care are important in an ethical non-monogamous relationship. You can ensure you and your partner(s) share a comfortable dynamic where needs and wants can be discussed without judgment.

To learn more about consensual non-monogamy, you can watch this interview with Dr. Rachel Allyn and clear the common misconception cobwebs in your mind.

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Sources

Verywell Mind

Elisabet Barnes

Certified Sexologist

Danny Burbol

Host at Kinky Poly Atheist

BetterHelp

Healthline

Prevention

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